Great Songs Remembered from the Danish-American War

Remember when we ate the Danish?

Trump has started so many wars, it’s hard to remember this one from back in August. Here’s a trip down memory lane to revisit some of the great patriotic tunes to come from that conflict.

“Let’s Eat Some Danish”

There’s been a lot of talk
From folks wearin’ wooden shoes
About how they’re gonna keep down
The old red white and blue.

But folks I’m here to tell you
That when the goin’ gets goin’ hard
Those Danes are gonna need a whole lot more
Than their Legos and Kierkegaard…

‘Cause we’ll all be eating Danish
With a cup of coffee on the side
And you know it’s gonna be heinous
We’re gonna eat them in one bite!

We’ll catch their Little Mermaid —
Oh you better believe it!
Toss her into Guantanamo Bay–
They don’t have trials so she’ll never leave it!

“Our President’s Not Absurd”

When someone says our president’s absurd
I don’t need to hear another word…
Do you?

The Danes, they should’ve refrained
And deigned not to call our president a name…
Do you?

When out of the goodness of our heart
We offer to buy a useless part
Of their domain…
They shouldn’t have responded with a six-letter word
Because we’ve never had a leader less absurd
Or less insane.

Those d-bags opened up a smorgasbord of pain
When they called our president something that he ain’t
‘Cause we’re not like Hamlet, we don’t equivocate
When you aggravate our very unabsurd, very normal head of state…

Because our president’s not absurd, Olaf
And that’s why we’re answering the call!
Eat your cod and scoff, Olaf
Our president’s not absurd at all!

“God Bless Operation Pickled Herring”

Our troops are going off to battle once more
For another truly essential war
A thumb-sized country’s made us mad
And so now we have to bomb them. Sad!

And God knows that this war
Has as much as a reason we’re doing it for
As they had for Grenada, Panama or Vietnam
As well as Korea, Iraq, or Afghanistan –

We all know we’re gonna fight someone again
So it might as well be a war that we can win…

God bless Operation Pickled Herring!
God bless our nation and her daring! 
Only we can make Greenland green! 
To deny us what we want is just obscene!

God Bless Operation Pickled Herring!
God Bless our president, he’s so scary!
And mostly please God bless us all—
Please help us survive this and other wars until next fall!