My Latest New Yorker Piece
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/10/17/helicopter-parents-are-last-years-model
Lexicon for a Pandemic
“Maskhole,” “body Zoom-morphia,” and more neologisms for coronavirus communication.
Twenty-seven MAGA Definitions to Send It Off
The words M,A,G & A need some rehabilitation. Let’s get started!
Sideline Interview With Sisyphus
In the 1/13/20 issue. It’s not every writer who gets their life story told in the New Yorker. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/01/13/pre-game-interview
Trump Tweets: The Classics
@realDonaldTrump
Tremendously fat honey thief Winnie-the-Pooh deserves to get stuck in Rabbit’s hole. Not crying for him, believe me, or low-energy Eeyore.
Are You There, People? It’s Me, God
Here’s my problem: I don’t believe in people. To me, human beings and their world are nothing more than the product of our collective imagination, a sad manifestation of our need to feel important beyond our actual existence.
So Long, L’Carpetron: A Farewell To “Key & Peele”
I met Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele five years ago, in my manager’s office. They were looking for showrunners for a sketch-comedy project they were developing for Comedy Central. The meeting was supposed to last an hour…
New Initiatives to Speed Up Baseball
If a game lasts more than twelve innings, sabres will be supplied to twenty fans from each side. The team with the most surviving members after the ensuing melee wins. All feet must be cleared from the batter’s box before the next game.